Advice from a Divorced Man after 13 Years of Marriage

1. Never stop courting.

Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman/man for granted. When you asked her to marry you (or for females, when you agreed to marry him), you promised to be that man (woman) who would OWN HER (HIS) HEART and to fiercely protect it. NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Fall in love over and over again.

You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same people you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other every day. SHE (HE) DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU. Always fight to win her (his) love just as you did when you were courting her (when you guys were dating).

3. Always see the best in her (him).

Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you see will be reasons to be bugged.

4. It’s not your job to change or fix her (him)…

…your job is to love her (him) as she (he) is with no expectation of her (him) ever changing.

5. Take full accountability for your own emotions.

It’s not your wife’s (husband’s) job to make you happy, and she (he) CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness.

6. Allow your woman (man) to just be.

When she (he) is sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER (him) and let her (him) know it’s okay. DON’T RUN AWAY WHEN SHE (HE) IS UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her (him) know you aren’t going anywhere.

7. Give her (him) space…

The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to go and find what feeds her soul. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids.

8. Be vulnerable…

…you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

9. Be fully transparent.

If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

10. Never stop growing together…

Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

11. Forgive immediately…

…and focus on the future rather than carry weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she (he) makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM.

Don’t Take Your Relationship/Marriage for Granted

While your relationship/marriage will naturally soar with the right person, don’t take it for granted. Like with other things in life, put your best foot forward: be the best person you can be, be the best partner/lover for your S.O., and nurture your relationship/marriage to its highest level. I’m going to do the same too.

How About You?

What do you feel about the advice ?

How can you apply the above advice to your relationship/marriage?