How can one not worry so much about things that he/she cannot control? – Katy
Hey Katy, the reason why people worry is because (a) they have no control over the situation and (b) worrying is their way of coping and gaining control over the situation, even though they aren’t. If they have complete control over a situation, they would never be worrying about it to begin with.
So, now you know — whenever you see people worrying, it’s because they are trying to cope with a situation they feel powerless over.
The problem is that worrying doesn’t actually solve anything; it only creates a lot of negative vibes which stresses us and other people out. It is often said that 99% of things we worry about never come true — when you worry, you merely give a small thing a big shadow. It is a complete waste of energy which we can better use elsewhere.
“Worry is like a rocking chair: It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” – Erma Bombeck
So rather than worry, I recommend this four-step approach for any stressful situation:
- Identify the issues bothering you. Just plain worrying usually blows any issue out of proportion. Gaining clarity on the exact issues helps you nail down on the core problem so you can address it.
- Identify your actions to address those issues. Then act on them. Taking action helps to bring control to a situation which you feel helpless over. Worrying only gives you a false sense of control and doesn’t help you accomplish anything.
- Imagine the worst case scenario. Then, figure out your contingency plan to address that. The point of this step is to cover your bases for anything bad that happens. By identifying the worst case scenario and preparing for it, you will literally be covered for anything that will be thrown your way.
- Let go and let things take their course, knowing that you have done everything you can and you are ready for the worst even if it happens. Get everything out of your head and live your life, in the present.
Stop Worrying, Start Living
Every time you worry, you project a future which has not occurred yet. This future is not optimistic, but pessimistic—and usually a future that was never going to occur anyway. Your projection of this pessimistic future only enforces it and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, such that when it happens, you can seek solace in your “spot on” anticipation of this nasty scenario… then move on to worry further about other things as you prepare yourself for the “worst possible” future.
In the end, you are left with a life where worrying is modus operandi of the day and the only reason why bad things happen is because you keep thinking they will happen. You are like a negative-energy magnet that draws all the bad energy and repels all the good energy such that good things rarely happen anymore.
The reality is that you have control the situation; you always have. You only feel helpless because you let the situation overpower you.
To quote Viktor Frankl, the man who suffered three years of hell in Nazi concentration camps; lost his wife, mom, and brother in those camps; yet still managed to arrive at the conclusion amidst dehumanized conditions that suffering can be meaningful:
All of us came into this world naked and we will leave this world naked, so it’s really silly to worry in between about things we can never take with us at our deathbeds. So why not enjoy life and make the best of every moment we can given?